October 14, 2009

This has been a long day.  Too much work.  And then, instead of doing something like working on my pictures, getting re-acquainted with Photoshop so that I can do something terrific with them, I spend an hour playing stupid games on the computer!  I so disappoint myself sometimes.

There is so much more I could be doing that is meaningful — such as writing — I only have about 9 projects on the go right now — but no, I waste my time.

And then I think — don’t I deserve a little ‘down time’?  Sure I do.  But there’s always this little voice in the back of my head saying “you’re running out of time” .  I hate that voice.  It makes me look back on my life and wonder what I’ve done with it.

Mostly, it’s been good.  I’ve always believed in being positive, living life the best I can, but I’ve screwed up, and it’s those screwups that I’m afraid will come to haunt me in my old age.

Ah well, this really is a rambling mess, isn’t it?  I’m tired.  I need to get to bed.  And there’s something else.  Once upon a time I could have stayed up til midnite easily, reading, or watching TV, or crocheting, or something.  But now, I’m just always tired, always want to go to sleep as soon as possible.  Maybe I’ll take a book to bed with me.  Haven’t read anything but cereal boxes and yogurt containers, lately.  How sad.  How utterly sad.

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