Day 20

Okay, so I’m a little miffed.  I haven’t lost a single pound since my last post!

But, I think I know what might be going on. . .

although I’m no longer eating desserts I believe I’m compensating by eating more ‘real’ food.  and not ‘good’ stuff, either.  I noticed this week that I’m eating a lot more bread than I usually do, and I’m, of course, putting butter on it.  As I’ve been quite busy the last couple of weeks I’ve eaten a lot meals in restaurants and from take-out.  Not great.  I try to choose healthy meals, but I think I’ve been ‘rewarding’ myself a bit too much with things that contain creams, cheeses and the like.

So, I am my own worst enemy!  Like I didn’t already know that.

With awareness, however, comes the power to change.  I am going to carefully watch what I eat from this point on — there’s no point in going through the agony of denying myself dessert and goodies if, in the end, I replace them with other bad-for-me types of food.

On a positive note:  having rid my diet of 90% of the sugar I was consuming I feel more energetic, less frenzied.  I am not craving sugar, I’m finding other ways of getting sweet tastes — spices, fruit, dried fruit — all can help curb my desire for a piece of candy or chocolate.  I won’t deny that there have been many evening when I wished to have a few cookies with my nightly cup of tea, but grabbing an apple or a handful of grapes has worked to satisfy my sweet tooth.

One thing I don’t want to do is replace the sugar in my diet with sugar substitutes.  I’ve used them once or twice but find I don’t really care for the taste.  Also, it’s not really teaching me change my food habits — I’m just replacing one ‘bad’ thing with another.

We have ‘muffin morning’ once a month where I work.  It’s a chance to socialize and well, eat muffins.  This month I wasn’t going to indulge, but someone had thoughtfully brought  some really healthy, hearty type of muffin and so I did.  Since then I’ve been wrestling with the idea of whether this was ‘cheating’.  I think I’ve come to the realization that I’m going to have to incorporate things like muffins into my diet, or pretty soon there won’t be much for me to have in the way of snacks.  And I’ve still got 11 and 1/2 months to go.  The granola bars I’m eating aren’t a particularly good choice either — they have 10 grams of sugar each — I think I’m going to have to find a recipe to make my own.

It’s the snacking that’s hard — eating more fruit isn’t the answer as it’s too high in sugar — I limit myself to 1/2 cup of vanilla yogurt/day.  I’ve incorporated dried fruit and nuts into my diet, but that’s high fat, high sugar as well.  So, I’m kind of getting concerned about what else I can eat.

I’ve explored different variations of rice cakes and although I like them they get pretty boring.  So, if anyone out there has any suggestions for snack foods I would appreciate hearing about them.

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Thursday, Jan. 20th, 2011

It’s been a long, cold 20 days here in Bon Accord.  And the rest of Alberta.  Actually, the last couple of days haven’t been half bad.  Yesterday the daytime temp got to about – 8 for a high — it was about -10 while I was out on supervision at noon.  The first time in over two weeks that the kids had been able to get out.  No, wait a minute, that’s a lie, they were out the day before, too.

Keeping kids cooped up for too long is just a bad idea.  Now all we have to do is keep them from killing themselves on the giant mountain of snow out in the field.

Something happens to us adults as well once we’ve been confined indoors for too long.  I noticed in myself that I was getting very bitchy, very negative, and even though I knew I wasn’t behaving oh, let’s say, admirably, I was powerless to stop.  Well, maybe not powerless, it might be more accurate to say unable or unwilling, to even try stopping.  Hopefully, with this break in the weather I’ll find better, more productive things to do with my time and energy.

I have a daily ritual in which I speak out loud all the things for which I am grateful.  It goes something like this:

I am grateful for my life.  I am grateful for all the good things in my life.  I am grateful for my husband.  I am grateful for our son, his wife and family, my beautiful grandchildren who bring me so much joy.  I am grateful for my home. I am grateful for my body and my health. . . and so it goes.  Performing this recitation of all the things I have to be thankful for in my life has gone a long way in helping me to keep grounded and focused on what is important.  (It obviously doesn’t keep me from becoming cranky and negative all the time — lol!) but it does usually put me in a good frame of mind as I begin my day.

I think that what I’m learning lately is that I have to carry that feeling of gratefulness forward throughout the day.  That I have to remind myself at small moments in my day to continue to be grateful, especially at those moments when I’m feeling anything but.

It’s amazing how much more growing and learning I have to do yet — thirty years ago I would have presumed that I would know it all by this age.  Hah!