It’s early, I was up before 6:30 this morning. So much on my mind.
Foremost this: what is it that the Universe is trying to tell me? What am I supposed to be waiting for?
Lately, it seems that no matter what I try, how hard I try, there is no success.
I believe, I really do, that things happen for a reason. That if something is meant to be, it will be.
A good friend always tells me that I didn’t get whatever I was aiming for because there is something else, something better waiting for me.
I am seriously beginning to doubt that.
I know I have skills, experience, talent, enthusiasm, drive and determination. I present well. People seem to like me, seem to admire my work.
Not enough to give me the job, though.
It’s embarrassing and a little demoralizing. It makes me doubt myself. Makes me wonder if it’s because I’m OLD.
I’m in my mid-50’s. I don’t feel OLD. I still feel pretty good.
Sure, I don’t have the vast stores of energy I once did, and I often find myself thinking that it’s okay to just let things slide, because I’m so conscious of time and that it’s starting to run out.
I think about my grandkids. They’re 9, going-to-be 7 in a few days and going-to-be 5 in a few months. Another 10 years and they’re going to be young adults. I’ll be in my mid-60’s then.
Will I still be chasing pavement then? Will I still have this sense of having not accomplished enough? Will I still be seeking validation?
It’s not a great way to wake up on a sunny Saturday morning.