Thursday, bloody Thursday

I only wrote that because I had nothing else to say.

Lately, I feel like that all the time.  It’s been quite a struggle this past month.  But maybe, just maybe I’m beginning to see an end to it.

I hope so.  Because going around pretending to be happy is HARD.  I want to stop pretending.

Sometimes, as I said about a week ago, life just sucks.  There’s not a damn thing you can do about it but keep on living.

And so, I have.  I’ve gone to work, I’ve done an excellent job (I think) in a less than wonderful environment.  I’ve managed to stay on top of Union business that I’d rather have just forgotten about, I’ve dealt with difficult people, difficult situations and managed to maintain my respectability and sanity.  I’ve weathered my own little emotional crisis and have, amidst it all, found time to vacuum the living room and clean the bathroom.

Reason to celebrate!  And, at least, smile a little bit.

Maybe it’s just the turning of the weather, the cold, hard fact that winter is nearly here.  We did, after all, have snow today.  The skies were gray, the wind was cold and tempers were frayed.

We’re waiting for the thermometer to finally drop well below 0 before we have to make that inevitable trip down into the basement, where we’ve got the winter boots stowed away in the space under the stairs.  It’s a gloomy thought if you’re not 10 years old.

The thought that my grandkids are probably all looking forward to the magic of the first ‘real’ snowfall — the kind that blankets the world in white and transforms it into something new, strange and wonderful — is the only thing about the coming winter that can make me anticipate it in the slightest.

Once upon a time I enjoyed waiting for that first big snowfall because I loved the sense of surprise and wonder it brought to my son’s eyes when he saw it.  Sadly, now, I’ve lost that.

When it’s just me staring outside into the dark morning, knowing that I’ve got to spend 5 minutes brushing the damn stuff off my car before I can leave for work all I can do is think of it with loathing.

Ah, tomorrow is Friday.  For that I give thanks.

Friday, and I’m leavin’ on a . . .

. . . motorcycle.

Yup, the hubby and me are heading out on the highway.  Taking off for the weekend on the bike.  I can hardly wait to go.

I haven’t been able to post lately as my ‘regular’ computer was having major problems.  There’s a ghost in the machine — and I mean that literally.  Every time I hit the reset button I’d hear this teeny, tiny woman’s voice, but I could never make out what she was saying.  I called my son, who’s great at fixing computers, and told him.  He said, “That’s creepy, Mom.”

I thought so, too.  So, while we’re hittin’ the open road, he’ll be hittin’ my hard drive.  He’s such a good son.

As a result of my computer problems I haven’t been able to download or upload any pictures, which makes me quite sad, because I actually had some nice shots to share.  Next week.  I’ll bombard the site with ’em.

I am hap, hap, happy to be finished work early.  We’ve had a busy week with field trips, parties and cleaning up the classroom for the end of the year.  The kids have been pretty well-behaved, but they’re bored and their need to be constantly entertained is extremely draining.  The next time I’ll see them is next Wednesday when they come to collect their report cards.  It will be hard to say good-bye to some of them — they’re leaving for the high school next year.  Some of these kids I’ve worked with for the past seven years.  It’s amazing to see how far some have come, and disheartening to see how little improvement others have made.  Still, for the most part, they are a great bunch of kids and I’ll miss them.

Well, gotta go load up our gear and then it’s time to get out of Dodge.  Hope everyone has a great weekend.  Talk to you again on Monday.

Sunshine morning

my little primrose
I awoke to the sun shining in my window this morning.  I can’t tell you the feeling of joy that gave me.  Two solid weeks of cool, cloudy, rainy days had begun to take its toll.

Probably a big part of my problem yesterday.  There’s only so much gloom a girl can take.

So, in celebration, a little free verse:

What first catches my eye,
chiffon-yellow primrose
opened like a lover to the warm
breathless kiss of the sun.

Then, a finch trilling
a welcome to the day,
the sound of sunlight,
liquid gold pouring from his throat.

The trees are greener, gayer
branches swaying softly
brushing up against the blue
teasing the sun as it dances out of reach.